The Labor Pains of Art and Wanting

I had a recent attack of depression that was triggered by bitterness and disappointment at things I wanted but assumed I couldn't have. I felt taunted, like "here's the awesome thing you can't have" and somehow it was my fault that I couldn't have it. Punishment for acting "irresponsibly;" punishment for not being good enough.

What bugs me the most is that my gut reaction was to suddenly be disappointed, bitter, and start crying. These are not a mature reaction to seeing good things. God's gifts do not bring bitterness.

I was bitter that I did not have the money to do the things, these "perfect" things that would strengthen my gifts. Why show me something so "perfect" if I can't have it?

And I think it's because I was trying to earn it.

Here's what I learned:

God made the whole universe. All of it. he made the materials that we print money from, it's not like his resources are limited, and he gives it all to us, when it is best for us. And he does not withhold good things from us

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"  Romans 8:32

If I can't earn the biggest gift of all, why am I trying to earn the lesser ones? God gives us what we need when we need them, and sometimes we need to struggle in order to grow more than we need a vehicle. Sometimes there are more opportunities to "minister"when we are the ones asking for water. Jesus asked for a very human need to be met in John 4, he asked for a drink of water from a social outcast, and gave back something even greater.

As an artist, I need materials, and God has spoiled me with them. I buy them, I find them in the trash pile, people gift me, I can use almost any thing I find to make art with. And I still struggle to use up the materials "in case I run out."

That seems pretty silly now.

"Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9:10-11

God does provide seed to the sower, in fact, free materials are everywhere. But we must gather them and learn how to use them. "Some plant, some water, but God makes it grow."

     "So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes      things grow." 1 Corinthians 3:7

And we must sacrifice the things we have to let it grow.

"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24

And art is very much like a plant; little messages in bottles that you send out and hope that people will read (and plant more seeds) Art is my fruit.
So I have to use it up in order to make more. Then again, I could sit on it. Here, I have the paint you gave me!   And look where it got this guy: Matthew 25:14-30.

If you have something, and are called to that ministry, don't be afraid to use it up!! God created the world, he can turn your one little offering into a feast for thousands. John 6:1-14

What is the fish and bread you have to offer God?

If I have something, it's an opportunity to "minister" to others. If I have a need, it's an opportunity for them to minister to me, and for me to learn the humility of accepting it.

Until we learn the humility of accepting the small gifts from others, we prevent ourselves from being used by God as a channel of the larger gifts. 

Do you accept charity with humility and gratitude? Or with entitlement or bitterness that you couldn't do it yourself? You sabotage yourself from participating in God's Big Wallet when you limit yourself to only the resources you think you are responsible for.
 
 So if I don't have that perfect thing, there are many reasons for why I don't have it.

• it's not good for me, it's artistic junk food
• God has something healthier in mind, even if it doesn't taste as good
• I am trying to earn it on my own
• It's a chance for someone else to minister and for me to participate in God's Bigger Economy

 In Conclusion: 

Here's the first layer. more to come.

Firstly. I am making a painting that reminds me that God owns it all, that it's my job to gather what I can, sow and let the seed die, water, and harvest, but only God can grow it and multiply it. Pictures up soon!!

Secondly, that I need to ask, and I can't always "earn" the bigger gifts by behaving like a good little Christian.  Sometimes God fills your needs with amazing circumstances that he set up for years in the making, and you just became aware of it. Maybe you haven't even told anyone yet. Maybe you need to.

So I set up a Donate Button on my blog.

Like that good old song says, friends can't fill the needs you don't let show.

So what is it that I want? 

These things, or things like them, as they specifically strengthen my gifts:

• OM Arts Training, Incarnate 2014 - Visual Artists (Artslink) (Italy)
• A Membership To Christians in the Visual Arts
• Gathering of Artisans Scotland

Donations would go towards these things, and art supplies, unless you signify otherwise. Any amount helps, $5 even.

And it's on my honor, if you don't trust that, don't give, that's ok too. Maybe someday I can make it so I can gift those who donate with small pieces of art.

Donate if you can, take the idea and ask for donations yourself if you need them. I look forward to participating in God's Big Economy with you.

And suddenly, I'm not bitter anymore.


Might I mention that a few days after writing this post, someone gave me a gift card to www.dickblick.com for $50. 

So Many Projects And Jobs Time Management

God has given me many opportunities and ideas lately. This just happens to coincide with having two jobs. But if God wants it done, we will make the time.

Writing a book for visual christian artists. An art show that wants 40-50 seasonal pictures. ( I may have stepped into that one, but I'm looking for people to share it with me.) and two jobs. And preparing for a move, and the portfolio to get me a job when I'm moved. And a reiteration on protestant prayer beads, which requires a booklet as well.

So in the meantime, I am praying and fasting to get confirmation on all of these things.  I see the need for the book, even all the wild and crazy ideas I have for it. I would even love to take a lot of time off to work on it. And I want to paint.

The idea of moving still feels pretty sure, but what my career out there will be once I get there is still pretty open. Originally, I thought it was games, digital computer and video game art. Now, I feel like my passion is elsewhere, but it could also be because that's what has been in my brain lately. These jobs and projects are what I have been feeding into my brain, and those are the ideas it's producing. I don't have too many complaints, but I do feel wishy- washy about my career.

My ministry wasn't going to be tied to my career, that's what I thought I heard. Maybe it's changed or I didn't hear right, I don't know.

So if you have the inkling, drop a word in with God for me to get these thing sorted out.


There are so many art projects I want to do.

Lots of great ideas, only one life.

Art Hop October 3, 2014

Pixels, Paint, and Ink

Yes, this is the place for Art Hop Information! 

October 3, 5:00pm-7:45pm

Free Drawing at 7:00pm

Fire Historical &
Cultural Arts Collaborative 

 1249 Portage Rd., Kalamazoo, MI 49001

1. There will be a live painting projected onto the side of a building A wall, possibly. It's rather rainy.  Well, it's looking more like a wall inside the building. But come on, that's cool.

No, I don't know what I'm painting yet. So far there have been lots of landscapes.

2. There will be a drawing for free art.

 The rules: You must have a ticket. The tickets are free. Only one ticket per person. You must be present at the time of the drawing. You must tear off the portion of your ticket with the number and put it in the box provided.The drawing takes place at 7:oo pm.

     I will post pictures of things you might win soon, and locations to find tickets in advance. You will also be able to get tickets at the door.  There will be an estimated worth of $150 of art given away, from ACEOs, 8"x10" to 18"x24" or larger. 

3. There will be food. 

No, I don't know what yet. No alcohol though.

4. There is a coupon for 30% off one painting hidden in one of my blog posts.  

Try to find it! You must have it printed out, pictures on smart phones are not accepted, one coupon per person. and it's only valid during Art Hop. Happy hunting!

 

What could you win? It could be one of these:

 

 

And here's some others you'll see that night:

Art And Painting For The Church: A Story On How Collaborations With God Develop

               

  God has gifted me with another chance to paint at church, and I'm really excited for this one. 

Instead of something spontaneous, or almost spontaneous, this piece has taken more planning, and feels more like a collaboration between God and myself rather than a "verbatim interpretation," for lack of a better phrase.

This painting is for a Sunday that wraps up a series on Consecration at The Bridge.

Here's a link to media from those services.

http://www.thebridgeportage.org/listen-and-watch-online/

http://www.thebridgeportage.org/listen-and-watch-online/ 

The inspiration for it came to me two or three weeks before I am to paint (which is tomorrow, as I write this) and I really wanted confirmation from God that this was what he wanted, because if it was all my imaginings, it would fail. The subject is too epic to attempt on my own power, and I didn't have as strong of a tug that this was from God. This image would be powerful if created successfully, and an embarrassing failure if I attempted it on my own. So, until I hear strongly otherwise, it's a slight risk. I am also grateful that my church family give me the freedom to paint "whatever I want," or more precisely, does not have any contention when I say that an image is from God. I am so grateful!! Of course, if they wanted a specific image illustrated, I would be happy to oblige. :)  And I know that if I fail, they have the grace and forgiveness to deal with it. That's a big gift too! \

There were two specific sections of Scripture that inspired this piece.

Isaiah 6:1-4 and Hebrews 12:8-24. They are written out in the blog post here, but you can get out your Bible too!

So I enlisted a bunch of people to pray, and answers started to appear. 
I haven't felt a "no" yet. And the very verses that inspired the painting showed up in the church messages, a week after "I had the idea."

The painting would be a comparison of the old glory found in the old covenant and the new life-giving glory in the new covenant. 

Mt. Sinai, doomsy clouds, a dead goat, all very scary looking, and then above it the new glory of Heaven, with God on the throne and seraphim above him.  There would be angels (without wings,) and an altar, and the lamb's book of life, and us consecrated by our death with Christ  approaching the throne in confidence. And the crystal sea...
And all I had at the time were two 30"x24" canvases. So I'm attaching them together to make one 5' canvas. And it would be painted live during the two services.

And my first thought after "hearing" all of this is "yeah, sure, let's do all of that in two hours....."

Maybe you can see why it's so important to get God's stamp of approval for things this epic. For whatever reason God has, the seraphim are important. I asked to see one in a dream to confirm the image, but the answer was no. That's ok. They were mentioned three times in the next church service, Isaiah 6:1-4 was quoted,

   Isaiah 6:1-4 

"In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
    the whole earth is full of his glory.”

⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke."

and I noticed that they left out a verse in one of the songs that specifially mentioned seraphim. Yup. Glassy sea too. Go figure, God is fun like that.

Holy, Holy, Holy! Lord God Almighty:
" Holy, holy, holy! All the saints adore thee, casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea; cherubim and seraphim falling down before thee, which wert, and art, and evermore shalt be."

So at that point, I figured I had my answer. But that didn't make the thought of filling a five-foot canvas in two hours any less daunting, especially when we're dealing with some big theology. And lambs and clouds, both of which I have been having an "interesting" time drawing these days. But this painting will be more controlled than the others, I think. And unlike the others, I sketched it out. I knew that this one would take more preparation.

    Here's the sketch!

As you can see, the everyman priest is in the center. I intend to gesso a strip of paper to it after I attach them together. You other artists can understand my pain at trying to paint over that joint. 

Collaboration

God was very specific about many of the elements in this one. The design started out as two canvases, one to be done for each service. But that would give each glory an equal artistic and visual importance. I worked out how I could show the six wings of the seraphim. God wanted the altar to come out of Sinai. I think it was my idea to have the angels drawn as swooshes. And there were lots of design edits to the throne.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 What does this painting mean?

Holiness is a very serious concept, not to be taken lightly in a world where the sacred is mocked. The old testament people understood this and were taught with lethal lessons. The first glory was terrifying. Even when God asked them to come closer, they would not.

^{Exodus 20:18}  "When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance ¹⁹ and said to Moses, “Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die.”

²⁰ Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning.”

²¹ The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was."

 But the glory that comes with the new covenant is bigger and is here now. And this is what the top part of the painting is about.

2 Corinthians 3

⁷ Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, transitory though it was, ⁸ will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? ⁹ If the ministry that brought condemnation was glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! ¹⁰ For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. ¹¹ And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!

¹² Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. ¹³ We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. ¹⁴ But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. ¹⁵ Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. ¹⁶ But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. ¹⁷ Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸ And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate^[a] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

   Hebrews 2:11 "Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters."

               Ephesians 3:12

"In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence."

            
And so, through our communion with Christ in his death, and the sacrifice he made once and for all as the Last Lamb, we are made Holy. We no longer have to be terrified to approach God when we are cleaned by Christ, and we have become the royal priesthood mentioned in  1 Peter 2:9 "But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light." and that is why the everyman in the center is dressed like a priest and holding communion.  And everyman approaches God. A very Holy God. A very Beautiful and Holy God. There is Christ the Last Lamb, and the Lamb's Book of Life, where names are written. And in that book is the very name of that person who comes before God. 

I write this with a mixture of reverence and joy, and they are not opposed to each other.

     Hebrews 12:8-24 

 "⁸ You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; ¹⁹ to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, ²⁰ because they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned to death.”^{[c] 21} The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, “I am trembling with fear.”^[d]
22 But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, ²³ to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, ²⁴ to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel."

So, there is a big painting happening at church tomorrow.


Here is is!

"Glory" 24"x60" Acrylic September 21, 2014

ART HOP October 3!!!

Pixels, Paint, and Ink

Yes, this is the place for Art Hop Information! 

October 3, 5:00pm-7:45pm

Free Drawing at 7:00pm

Fire Historical &
Cultural Arts Collaborative 

 1249 Portage Rd., Kalamazoo, MI 49001

 

1. There will be a live painting projected onto the side of a building. No, I don't know what I'm painting yet. So far there have been lots of landscapes.

2. There will be a drawing for free art. The rules: You must have a ticket. The tickets are free. Only one ticket per person. You must be present at the time of the drawing. You must tear off the portion of your ticket with the number and put it in the box provided.The drawing takes place at 7:oo pm.

     I will post pictures of things you might win soon, and locations to find tickets in advance. You will also be able to get tickets at the door.  There will be an estimated worth of $150 of art given away, from ACEOs, 8"x10" to 18"x24" or larger. 

3. There will be food. No, I don't know what yet. No alcohol though.

And this too.